mothers day introspective

This was written by my cousin Sherry Lucantonio. I wish to share it with you.



Mother's Day - now I'm the 'main' (read-oldest) mother - as the mother of male children it is always a problem - the son's have to take care of their wives and make sure their kids do the right thing for mom too - And, then they need to try to make sure I'm 'on the list' of being honored. It gets so complicated - I just want to make it easier by leaving town. It is always a bittersweet day. And, I find as I get older, I feel more isolated - I don't like being the one "in charge" - the one that's supposed to have all the answers... I don't even know all the questions! I always feel like I'm "faking it" somehow... I wonder if my mom felt the same way...

I find myself thinking of my mom more and more often... I'm sure a psychiatrist would find that 'very interesting,' but I find it comforting somehow. I do wish, however, I could stop tearing up every time - but I think it's because I miss her. I have so many more things to tell her and so many more times to say, "you were so right!" ...

I wish I'd paid more attention to how she 'did' things, from cooking to sewing to making Christmas so glorious, mystical, and magical...

She and dad taught us - showed us - a deep abiding love of God, and though we didn't belong to any special church, we learned to worship God and do our best to keep all of His Commandants and to somehow find and develop our own personal commitment to Him...

She taught us by example how to love deeply and passionately, so deep and passionate was mom and dad's love of each other, it's no wonder it took all of us some time before we found that 'right' one for ourselves...

She taught us respect for our bodies, ourselves, our family, our nation and the land; we would sooner swallow worms than litter...

She taught us to learn from mistakes or misfortune, to find one good thing from disappointment; to hate bigotry, duplicity and hypocrisy; and to not take ourselves - or life - too seriously...

And she taught us to laugh; laughter was a tonic, a curative, a stimulant, and strengthener we were given as one is given a daily dose of vitamins...

I remember when we - at a certain age - thought we were so much smarter than either of them, and she let us believe it; and she would just quietly smile when we found out we weren't...

I remember the times she would stay up all night typing my term theme - due the next day - and she didn't yell or make a fuss that I had, once again, waited until the last moment...

I don't remember any "I told you so" 's or "if you'd only listened" - I do remember that look of disappointment of her face when I had really screwed up -and that that was the worst feeling in the world; I remember, then, her asking 'why' and "what do you intend to do to make sure this doesn't happen again..." And, later, her taking me into her arms and telling me she loved me and it wasn't the end of the world...

I wonder what kind of job I have done as "mother" - what will my kids remember about me...?

We- moms - have such a lot of responsibility - did I give them what they needed - when they needed it? Did I fail them when they needed me most? What's my job now? I thought I would have more answers now that I'm sixty. When will wisdom come...